Attack of the OnEsHoTs!
by Stabler 'n' Gibbs' Gurl
Summary: I was bored and got an Idea! just stupid funny little oneshots! if you have any ideas just review or PM me and I'll see what i can do!
1. Soo SEXY!

**D-I-S-C-L-A-I-M-E-R!!! –I don't ****own the characters! Damn!**

**Author's Note…I PROMISE- In this one NO ONE dies!!!**

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* * *

**"You BITCH!" 

"Look who's talking you bastard!"

"You little slut! Can't stick with the same guy for more then 2 days!"

"Look who's talking you bitch ass man whore! You got a divorce but slept with your EX! Wife anyway! And your girlfriend! All the while LEADING ME ON!!! You prick!"

"ME?! _**YOU'RE**_ the one who changed and dressed WAY out of line for work!!!"

"_WHAT!?!?_" she said walking closer to him. "YOU'RE just pissed because you FUCKED your damn ex-wife and now another baby is on the way! EVEN THOUGH… you told me not even three days ago that you loved me and now your wife is two days pregnant! And your criticizing the way I dress?!"

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Fine! I'm sorry! Yes I fucked her! But I make love to you!"

"Oh please! Don't pull any of that Eddie Murphy shit on me!" she said rolling her eyes, "Did you forget about you **GIRLFRIEND**?! Hmm? I didn't!"

"How could I forget my girlfriend! She's GREAT in bed!" and with that her fist came in contact with his jaw.

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!..."

"And while be back in a minute to meat Danny's girlfriend, Kelsey!" Jerry Springer said as Steve and the other body guards tried to pull a VERY pissed off Carley Kingsington off of her secret lover, Danny Patiole.

"Ha ha! I LOVE Jerry Springer! And man! Is Steve SEXY!" Said Olivia as She, Elliot, Fin, Munch and Cragen had watched Jerry Springer and Maury since the case load was VERY slow that day.

"Okay…Let me get this straight." Fin spoke as he put a Twizzler in his mouth. "Danny Divorced his wife and started to date again. He fell in love with his co-worker all the while still dating that Kelsey chick. So he was banging his co-worker _and_ his girlfriend when he went back to his wife? And now they're having another baby?"

"Yep!" was all Olivia said as she, too, took a Twizzler.

"Okay. One more question though." He asked as Elliot and Munch started throwing bits of Twizzler at each other.

"Shot." Olivia said as she turned to face him

"_WHY_ the hell are we watching this?!" Fin asked as he threw his arms in the air dramatically

"I told you already! Because for one- It's _**Jerry**__**Springer**_! HELLO!" she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And second- because Ste-"

"Because Steve is SO SEXY!" Munch, Elliot and Cragen mimicked her to Fin causing them both to burst into laughter

"See! I told you that I said it a lot!" Olivia said as they all turned their attention back to the T.V. as Jerry came back on.

"Hey, wasn't Jerry on that show…um…I know it had to do with dancing." Elliot said as Steve broke up another fight.

"You mean '_Dancing with the stars_'?" Olivia asked as she stared at Steve as he blushed and waved when the camra came to set on him.

"Yeah that one. How did you know?" Elliot asked as he looked at Olivia.

"Well me and Maureen actually have something in common and we talk when it comes on, just like Jerry Springer." Olivia said as now all eyes were on her and Elliot

"Yeah? What's that?" Elliot's brow came together as he tried to think of why Olivia or Maureen had not mentioned that they talked often to him before.

"Steve and Bruno are SOO SEXY!" Which caused them all to laugh

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!..."

"And while be back!"


	2. Confusing Letters

"Z-Y-X-W-V-U"

"Liv."

"-T-S-R-Q-P-"

"Liv." He said in as sing song voice

"O-N-M-L-K-J-"

"Olivia?"

"I-H-G-F-E-"

"EARTH TO LIV!"

"D-C-B-A!"

"Liv? Are you okay?" Elliot asked Olivia as she sat down in her seat looking as normal as ever.

"?eb I t'ndluow yhW .lE eruS" Olivia said as she began typing.

"_WHAT?_" Elliot looked at his partner as if she grew 5 more heads.

"?eb I t'ndluow yhW .lE eruS –dias I" Olivia said as if it was so normal to her

"Liv you're scaring me here." Elliot said as concern filled his eyes.

"Hgu." Olivia sighed as she started to write on a piece of paper then slipped it to Elliot as he read it:

_'__eb__ I t'ndluow yhW .lE eruS – dias I dna yad sdrawkcab s'tI – yrrow t'noD'_

"Liv! It's bad enough I can't understand you but know you want me to try to translate what you said? For all I know you could be cursing me out in Italian!" Elliot spoke as pure confusion and concern covered his face.

"!nuf ON er'uoY !lE doG"

"Sure whatever! Write that down too! Now just speak normal for like 15 seconds and tell me what the hell this means!" Elliot's voice rose a bit because he was starting to get irritated.

"Ha ha! Calm down El! Give me the paper." Olivia spoke so Elliot could understand and got a new piece of paper, wrote on it, and gave it back to him.

He sighed in frustration as he read it:

'_yad__ sdrawkcab s'tI – yrrow t'noD :eton tsrif eht ni dias I_

_nehw__ eb I t'__ndluow yhW .lE eruS – uoy dlot I dna_

_ON __er'uoY !__toillE doG .yako saw I fi deksa uoy_

_'!ah __aH !__tib a pu neviL !NUF_

"Liv…" Elliot groaned as he looked at the words that made no sense

"Calm down El." Olivia laughed as she pulled out a mirror and put it on Elliot's desk. "Hold the note up to the mirror." Olivia commanded and Elliot did so. And to his amusement Elliot could read it clearly.

'_I said in the first note: Don't worry – It's backwards day_

_and I told you – Sure El! Why wouldn't I be – when_

_you asked if I was okay. God Elliot! You're NO_

_FUN! Liven up a bit! Ha ha!'_

"Only you would do something like this, Liv. Only you." Elliot sighed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Liv…I got a question for you." Elliot said as his eyes closed and he looked like he was sleeping.

"?haeY – I mean Yeah?"

"If it's backwards day – then why don't you have your clothes on backwards?" Elliot asked as his eyes open slightly to see Olivia smile brightly before laughing

"Come on El! Now that would be silly! Like just VERY silly!yllis yreV" Olivia said

"Yeah and talking backwards isn't 'yllis'!" Elliot said to her as she looked up amused

"!yltcaxE"


End file.
